I’ve changed a lot. I used to only see the good in people, that’s all I would look for, that’s all I would acknowledge, that’s all that mattered to me.
In the past 5 years, I’ve started to notice the bad. I’ve started to recognize the ugly.
I’ve started to see the negativity and hatred.
My eyes and my mind was once so young, immature, but happy.
It was a different kind of happy. -open minded but unexposed.
Today I am happy, but the transition from that happy to this happy, the exposure, the change, was even uglier than the ugly I can see in people today. The things that I went through can only prepare me for a life that’s meant to get better.
I’m happy now, not the same happy that I used to feel (yet) but a mature happy. It was something wonderful about unknowing and misunderstanding the world and people, that’s what drove me to figure them out, but now that I know, now that I see the contrast, I have the option to be happy, when happiness was just a default in the past. Not only can I see the contrast, but I also hear it all around me. Negativity goes in one ear, and what used to pass through effortlessly, now lingers in the back of my head constantly. It’s loud and apparent.
Negative conversation didn’t make sense to me before and that was The Silence in Black and White.
Now it all makes sense. The choice is not an easy one to make, but I’ve chosen to be happy. I am happy. I will be happy.
The world, it filters itself for you as a child. But as you mature and progress, you must learn to filter the world.
Change has brought progress and progress has brought change. I see your negative energy, but I will recognize and feed from the positive, not only for my own benefit, but yours. We’re not growing up. We’re still kids. We haven’t forgotten. We’re just being distracted.
If you’re looking for yourself, sure you’re hard to find. Step back for a second. You’re looking too closely, attempting to define yourself with what you see, forgetting that what you are seeing is not within you but without. The world is not you, but you have let it be for some time now because someone, somewhere in your lifetime has told you that it’s not okay to be you. They were wrong. You were right. Why did you stop believing in yourself? You were always right.
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Thank you for reading my thoughts for the day. I don’t do these often on my blog, but that’s about to change. It would mean a great deal to me if you shared my work with a friend or family member. Again, Thank You!
Do More Than Just Exist
Do you want to do more than just exist? If you want to know something, or if you’re curious enough, you’ll put forward the effort to find it and through that effort, the things that you’re ready to understand will be revealed to you. That does not only apply with information related to what everybody likes to call the “Illuminati” – the socially accepted name for conspiracies, satanism, subliminal messaging, deception, government, masonry, the global elite (all of which are different things and should not be referred to as one) – but It also relates to the way you obtain general knowledge, relationships, religion, order, money, government, physical and mental health and understanding your subconscious mind.
Once you’ve found what your conscious mind is ready to see, you’ll be lead down an individual path to understanding your own life and how to relate this new information to your own existence. You will develop a better understanding of your relationships, how they work, how they were developed and why they exist. You will stumble upon the information necessary to understand how you operate mentally and how to manipulate and ultimately control that operation. You will come to understand the law of attraction, mass awareness (aka the theory of 100 monkeys), subliminal messaging, subconscious conditioning and the art of deception. Whether or not the information you find is true, what you come to believe once that information is found will be true for you. You will begin to understand how each individual exists within your universe but also in their own. Entertainment will become a byproduct of this new knowledge. Your financial wealth and your wealth in relationships will become byproducts of this new knowledge if you decide to seek success in these two areas. If not, then the lack of abundance in your financial wealth, health, relationships and everything that follows will be direct result of the decisions you make (or decide not to make) and the continuous execution of the actions you’ve taken prior to obtaining this knowledge will yield the same and often less satisfactory results as you’ve become more aware of explicit roots in your tree of life. As you travel on this journey into an unfamiliar realm, you will experience a less of an emotional obligation to other people’s actions and expectations, possibly a period of emotional numbness, and hopefully a deeper understanding of one’s self. You. Who you are. What you are. Where you are. When you are. Why you are. and Why you should be: You. Hopefully you will also replace expectation with appreciation. Limits with Liberty, Obstacles with Opportunities, Hearing with Listening, Insecurity with Mental Maturity, Impurity with worthy, Obscurity with Understanding, Can’t with Can, and Words with Action.
You’ll begin to understand others once you’ve come to know yourself.
The seeking of this information will lead you a deeper understanding of your own existence and ultimately of your true purpose, which should expose your true appreciation for negative experiences which have yielded one or many positive results.
Again. As true or false as any information may be. What you decide to believe and practice through action will become true for you. You must also understand that regardless of what I, You, He, She, They or We may think we know or understand, we are much, much closer to knowing and understanding nothing at all than we are to knowing everything. But seeking for self-understanding will never render us incapable of greater potential. Look into yourself and do more than just exist.
I LOVE THE SOUND OF THUNDER
I love the sound of thunder. It’s like a beautiful woman with anxiety. Uncontrollable bursts of uncertainty. Often preceded by a quick stab of lightening, or insecurity. Very bright, gorgeous, natural but scary. It can change the mood of an entire room all while shining light on the people who don’t understand it.
It’s the anthem of all the failures and challenges that have made a person successful. You may see their lightening, but you’ll need to stick around to hear their story; the sound of thunder.
I love the sound. Colossal, yet calming. Mother Earth giving birth to the rain, extracting it’s nourishment, enduring the pain. The characteristics of a decent person. A wallflower. A decent person. A small flower in a field full of monkey grass. Not standing tall but standing out. She is not the thunder, but the thunder is her impact. The sound of when she fights back. It’s rare but it’s frightening. And it hides behind her lightening. Her anxiety is but irony: incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs. And she claims it with her whole heart. That uncertainty is hers. But she hates the sound. She hates the sound. She hates the sound; she hates it!
Thunder. Clash. Thunder. Crash. WHAT THE FUCK WHERE ARE MY CIGARETTES, DID YOU THROW THEM IN THE TRASH?!?
Once upon a time I didn’t understand the thunder, now I see it’s like a spell this anxiety’s got you under.
Thunder. Doom. Thunder. Boom. I CANT FIND MY ____ I SWEAR I LEFT THEM IN THIS ROOM!
Lightening. Wow. Thunder. Pow. “I’m sorry for all the things I said when I was freaking out”
I love the sound, I love the sound, oh I love the sound of Thunder.